Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Unanimous votes land Favre in the Semi-Overweight Wall (Halls are too claustrophobic) of Fame.

Part of our core mission is to improve the nation’s general image of our biggest, most significant peoples, the Semi-Overweight population. But can we be honest? Lifting our image is no light task in this heavy political climate.

Lets look at the facts: Health care reform has made issues out of good old obesity and diabetes, heart disease, etc, etc. What have we done to deserve the War on Trans-Fat and MSG that affects all of us? Who asked for nutritional facts on all of our fast food menus? Now I can’t even enjoy the dollar menu without my passengers passing judgment on my caloric intake. My outlook is no less weary considering that mainstream media has made a mockery of our kind since fat-camp could be recorded for playback. Television programming has long since put a curfew on the real couch potatoes, forcing us into mediums like internet porn or on-line gaming. Find me a network station that airs something besides extended ads for “Bowflex” or “Shakeweight” after-2 am. If you are over 180 lbs, there is nothing worse than watching scantily clad jocks with that well-disciplined, emaciated look.

We know you are waiting for someone to join the good fight.

In order to change our oafish image, the management at Semi-Overweight decided to become true champions of our citizenry by taking public ownership of the accomplishments that oversized men and women have made on behalf of our people. Semi-Overweight has been in the process of creating the Wall of Fame for quite some time, but with respect to the week of Dec. 13, that began with the sudden all-but retirement from America’s quarterback, Brett Favre, Semi-Overweight expedited the process and offered the late-football great our #1 spot.

Still haven’t heard back from Brett, though I left a voicemail.

I am aware that at this point the ten people who read this will not understand why a company dedicated to being semi-overweight would honor a man who has a stature no more than “husky.” But, let it be clear that Semi-Overweight recognizes #4 to be a worthy of our Wall of Fame not because of his figure…NAY…but…because of the figurative meaning behind his career. Semi-Overweight is not just about physicality because a person can be Semi in spirit. Being Semi-Overweight is mainly about being over-indulgent. It’s about over-consumption. It’s about loving what you do and doing more of it.

Brett Favre is the embodiment of the Semi-Overweight idea. Pure love for the game. He took his passion for football to the utmost level by challenging the possible for 20 seasons in the NFL. And to all who hated on Brett Favre these last three seasons...let his gun slinger style, his reckless abandon, his penchant to win-it or lose-it in the end - be the precise punctuation mark we needed to win our Semi-argument. Watching his televised reactions over the last twenty years has been a constant reminder that if you listen to your body and believe your love to be true; believe in yourself, in your talent, and strive for opportunities to succeed; your drive will exceed your greatest imaginations. You heard it from Favre himself just the other day. Brett dreamed of being in the NFL. Not being the most consistent threat of all time. Not leading the league in all time completions, passing yards, and touchdowns. Not the streak. (Until this week he started in every game since 1992.) He didn’t dream of three MVPs and 11 Pro-Bowls. He didn’t want to be known as the old guy. And he definitely didn’t want to be known for the interceptions.

He was simply enjoying life to his fullest and pursuing his talents. I’m still trying to forget the snow game vs. the Seahawks. But on so many occasions we watched fully televised proof of his jubilee, as he sprinted 70 yards, ear to ear, just to slap ass with his latest end-zone receiver.

Alas, Brett Favre has made his way into History now. I’m sure in the future he will thank Semi-Overweight for immortalizing his name further.

Brett Favre: Wall of Fame #1

No comments:

Post a Comment