Friday, August 19, 2011

Schultz calls for Boycott on Political Contributions: Semi-Overweight temporarily lifts the Starbucks ban.

Like a typical twenty something Seattle-ite, I cringed at newspaper headlines mentioning Howard Schultz last week. You know him, that dubious luminary of Seattle's business and entrepreneurial spirit; erecting and resurrecting the Starbucks empire while mismanaging the city's proud basketball franchise. 


You remember them painfully, the Seattle Thunder. How could the bazillion dollar CEO of Starbucks be so cash strapped that he would sell a community asset for personal gain? It's still infuriating. And don't call it a recession, buckaroo! 


Last year we made a song that dealt with all of our pent up Starbucks hate, it's called Howard vs. Clay, off our first mixtape! 


…There's no quick way to acknowledge the anger and resentment that was created by Howard's sale of the 1979 championship Supersonics to corporate grim reaper, Clay Bennet.  Naturally, in true Northwest fashion, thousands of Sonics fans take this seriously by expressing passive aggression daily, as we silently walk by a dozen or so of Howard's coffee stands. 


This quiet protest requires more willpower than most spiteful grudges. Sure, the convenience factor is noteworthy, but we're talking about resisting the line of cute girls in sorority pants. Avoiding a Starbucks in King County is hard enough on the average consumer! However, we felt that it was an important commitment to make to our city, for instance, since 2008 I have been proud not to drink Starbucks coffee (exception: when I get the gift card, come on! its free!) But for most who call themselves a part of this Starbucks shunning culture, it has become a centerpiece to expressing a sort of dissatisfaction for the sort of "modernist" thinking (*whatever that is) that enables business values to out-weigh the home-town, home-grown love for a team. So yes, Semi-Overweight has fully endorsed this boycott of Starbucks coffee, you'll have to understand we have been badgering our friends and family relentlessly, "come on, buy local!" 


So, now you know how hard it is for this die hard Seattle-ite to give Schultz his credit, but as I read the article last week, sipping Red Bull, (in full Starbucks protest) I had to admit that Howard was being human. 


To Schultz, the debt-ceiling crisis — so destructive to the country, yet entirely manufactured for political gain — was merely the final straw. “The debt crisis is really the symbol of a larger problem, which is that our leaders are not leading,” he said. The real crisis, he believes, is a crisis of leadership, both in the White House and in Congress, which is draining confidence. “America’s leaders need to put their feet in the shoes of working Americans,” he said. “ Instead, all they think about is their own political self-interest.” 


- from The New York Times article this week. 




Read the article (linked above) and give the guy's idea a try…presented as a plea to stop wasting $5 billion + on elections (or, re-elections) during a time when the countrys' debate on the national debt ceiling has dominated both the airwaves, and, Howard argues, investor/consumer confidence. Howard basically wants America to "go on strike against its politicians." It looks like he is attempting to use his wealth and influence for the good of the people this time around, and for us, that is a welcome change. Semi-Overweight is hereby (temporarily) lifting our ban on Starbucks.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Summer Sausage


Semi Overweight is not responsible for inducing heart failure…This is the "enchilada filled Summer Sausage." Hopefully posts like this will make all the weight loss groups stop following us soon.

My commitment to the Semi lifestyle scares my own family whenever I show up for meals between the months of June - August…because I try to eat Summer Sausage exclusively.  I always liked to the idea of a "reverse Lent…" where you sacrifice all foods EXCEPT the most sinful. Now that's repenting. I mean, you might find me nibbling beef jerky, or, a nice pep-stick from time to time. But I'm fairly disciplined with this. It's rare to go a day without Summer Sausage at this point. At first, I adapted to the Summer Sausage diet as a sort of tradition to call my own. It's also become my favorite shopping day of the year. I try to drum up as much shock and awe with my grocery cart as possible…

I don't think I should need to explain the appeal, but (mostly for the sake of blogging) I think the main advantages of my Summer Sausage summer diet are as follows…

1. I find that nobody is upset that I have Summer Sausage in bulk (although pets can be a problem). It's such a natural party snack! Remember how great finger foods are? Now you add slices of cheese? Party Stopper.
2. Healthy: Protein and minerals like salt and MSG are natural fuels for lean muscle...making Summer Sausage a must-have during the beachy summer months!
3. Eating "Summer" Sausage is just more FESTIVE…every last bite reminds you how long summer really is.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

The New Website: Up and Running!

It's been a long time since we've been posting to our blog, but that is about to change! As the focal point of our new website (designed by Andrew Crawley), the blog is going to become our go to place to share stories and pictures of eating, as well as keep you updated on our ongoing music projects. There are still some kinks to work out in the new layout, but we hope to continue to improve the user experience.

Gain Some Weight.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Semi Overweight Warns Seattle Restaurants...

Not to be stingy with the portions or, just as importantly, the seating size. We at Semi Overweight hereby pledge to tattletale on any establishment that doesn't pass our simple Semi-friendly pass through. All we ask is that we can get uncomfortably full without ordering more than two meals in a seat that attracts no more attention than we already call upon ourselves. Pretty simple. But don't test it Seattle restaurant owners, we will call you out.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Unanimous votes land Favre in the Semi-Overweight Wall (Halls are too claustrophobic) of Fame.


Part of our core mission is to improve the nation’s general image of our biggest, most significant peoples, the Semi-Overweight population. But can we be honest? Lifting our image is no light task in this heavy political climate.

Lets look at the facts: Health care reform has made issues out of good old obesity and diabetes, heart disease, etc, etc. What have we done to deserve the War on Trans-Fat and MSG that affects all of us? Who asked for nutritional facts on all of our fast food menus? Now I can’t even enjoy the dollar menu without my passengers passing judgment on my caloric intake. My outlook is no less weary considering that mainstream media has made a mockery of our kind since fat-camp could be recorded for playback. Television programming has long since put a curfew on the real couch potatoes, forcing us into mediums like internet porn or on-line gaming. Find me a network station that airs something besides extended ads for “Bowflex” or “Shakeweight” after-2 am. If you are over 180 lbs, there is nothing worse than watching scantily clad jocks with that well-disciplined, emaciated look.

We know you are waiting for someone to join the good fight.

In order to change our oafish image, the management at Semi-Overweight decided to become true champions of our citizenry by taking public ownership of the accomplishments that oversized men and women have made on behalf of our people. Semi-Overweight has been in the process of creating the Wall of Fame for quite some time, but with respect to the week of Dec. 13, that began with the sudden all-but retirement from America’s quarterback, Brett Favre, Semi-Overweight expedited the process and offered the late-football great our #1 spot.

Still haven’t heard back from Brett, though I left a voicemail.

I am aware that at this point the ten people who read this will not understand why a company dedicated to being semi-overweight would honor a man who has a stature no more than “husky.” But, let it be clear that Semi-Overweight recognizes #4 to be a worthy of our Wall of Fame not because of his figure…NAY…but…because of the figurative meaning behind his career. Semi-Overweight is not just about physicality because a person can be Semi in spirit. Being Semi-Overweight is mainly about being over-indulgent. It’s about over-consumption. It’s about loving what you do and doing more of it.


Brett Favre is the embodiment of the Semi-Overweight idea. Pure love for the game. He took his passion for football to the utmost level by challenging the possible for 20 seasons in the NFL. And to all who hated on Brett Favre these last three seasons...let his gun slinger style, his reckless abandon, his penchant to win-it or lose-it in the end - be the precise punctuation mark we needed to win our Semi-argument. Watching his televised reactions over the last twenty years has been a constant reminder that if you listen to your body and believe your love to be true; believe in yourself, in your talent, and strive for opportunities to succeed; your drive will exceed your greatest imaginations. You heard it from Favre himself just the other day. Brett dreamed of being in the NFL. Not being the most consistent threat of all time. Not leading the league in all time completions, passing yards, and touchdowns. Not the streak. (Until this week he started in every game since 1992.) He didn’t dream of three MVPs and 11 Pro-Bowls. He didn’t want to be known as the old guy. And he definitely didn’t want to be known for the interceptions.

He was simply enjoying life to his fullest and pursuing his talents. I’m still trying to forget the snow game vs. the Seahawks. But on so many occasions we watched fully televised proof of his jubilee, as he sprinted 70 yards, ear to ear, just to slap ass with his latest end-zone receiver.

Alas, Brett Favre has made his way into History now. I’m sure in the future he will thank Semi-Overweight for immortalizing his name further.

Brett Favre: Wall of Fame #1

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Things Fat People LIke #1

For those of you unfamiliar with "Things White People Like", it is a hilarious blog summarizing stereotypical indulgences of white people in America. In similar spirit, we at Semi Overweight have taken it upon ourselves to begin the list of "Things Fat People Like". Read On:

TFPL #1 : Using Holidays to Excuse Overeating
Fat people love habitual overeating. Your normal night may consist of a moderate dinner and dessert at home, bookended by $13 trips to Taco Bell, but on these nights, the guilt of the astronomical caloric intake you've once again subjected yourself to can often kill your buzz. But if it's Thanksgiving, and EVERYONE is having pie, well it'd just be rude to decline. If it's Christmas and there are cookies on the table, they won't eat themselves, will they? If the whole family is going to crowd around the table and stuff themselves silly, well then you ought to do the same. Watching your sister and parents pack away the turkey and stuffing eases your self-consciousness while following in kind. On these few days of excess every year, the fit among us look forward to enjoying the perennially delicious food in generous portions- something the portly population takes great care to secure for themselves on a daily basis. The true beauty in these holidays for people of size lies in the alleviation of guilt while feeding themselves on a massive scale.